Its Been so Long

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I hear you whisper, “Ray, where are you. You have been away for to long now.”

“I’m sorry Father, all this work just keeps driving you out, driving you out.”

I know I’m hurting, and I know exactly what I need to do, yet its so hard.

My foot treads lightly, doubting the only solid ground, I’ve known thus far.

How could you love me, after all these wicked things Ive done, these things I do?

With all my sinning, I stick this spear deep within you, all the way through.

I feel so empty, how did I fall this far, what have I missed.

Father I beg you, take me away from all this, with clenching fists.

“Enough is enough, son you are made to be just like me, your blood I bleed.”

Sometimes we must die, in order to be set free. I’m finally clean.

 

Father I’m running, faster than I ever have before, right to your door.

Your arms wide open, Loving me as you did, you do, forever more.

My fear escaping, I finally feel your peace, it consumes me!

You take me burden, the weight is no longer heavy. I can Finally breathe.

“Now that I’m home Lord, please allow me to obey your will. What is your will?”

“I only ask you to believe in me, and tell the world I’m real, I love them still”.

“Please let them know, I love them still.”

“I love you still.”

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Momma’s Going to buy you a Mockingbird.

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In my heart, I wish for life to flourish and for vitality to reign.

Yet my hand only brings destruction and pain.

I look around and see others with their family

Their smiles abound. They live so happily

But I am away from everything I ever knew as home

I sit in the darkness and cry all alone

A dream was given to me, possibly a sign

Forecasting the departure of this mother of mine

The pain in my heart, she has lost her faith

Do not take her yet, Father please wait.

What am I to do, what can I say.

After all, I am just her little Ray

My prayer is that when her time finally comes

Her little Ray led her to the Son.

Jesus be with her and me as well

Give my mother the faith to escape from hell

As she fades slowly, I stare in her eye

I hold her hand tightly and kiss her goodbye.

I will always love you Mom.

Learning something New

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At first I hated it

I wanted nothing more than to flee from it

It took something I once loved and destroyed it

Walls built strong that were toppled and crumbled

The enemy stood at the ready with torches

Pointing the flame at my city

I believed that all was lost

But the more I looked at this enemy

I saw the good in it. How it could bring me life

I began to understand it and desire it more and more.

It started to give me life.

The enemy quenched its torches

and picked up the hammer and nail.

What I once hated is now building me up

My walls are growing higher

My city is stronger than ever.

My family is safe again.

Run!

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If you asked me everyday to do something and I never did it, would you still love me? If I hurt you all the time and betrayed you constantly, would you still love me? If i promised to be better and then acted the same way the next day, would you still love me? If I beat you and cursed you and disrespected your very existence, would you still love me? If i went days without ever saying a word to you, even though you were always there, would you still love me? If I made time for others and not you, would you still love me? If I spent my entire life hating you and on my death bed asked for your forgiveness, would you still love me, even when I hated you? Would you love me if I killed you?

I have done all these things. As high as mountain tops my sin abounds. As deep as oceans my folly consumes me. As black as night my heart conspires with wickedness. I am the epitome of evil.

All these things, all these sins, all this pain, all this evil, He still loves me. No matter what I could possible do, He still loves me. I run towards the love. This love is so powerful that i flee from my past as fast I can.  For no matter what you have done, He still loves you. He still loves me. His love will change you, His love will guide you, and His love will sustain you. Run towards unfailing love and your past will only speed your journey. Run little children run, and don’t look back.

Gold in the Fire

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There once was a woman whose strength could not be measured. Not of physical means, but of her heart and will. Day in and day out she set an example to everyone on the subject of carrying on. No matter how much pain she had to deal with, she never slowed, stopped, or even winced. However loss separation is difficult for even the strongest of will.  She kept it all to herself. It ate at her, prevented sound sleep, and it stole her happiness. Her shell was laced with a poison that drained her slowly. Eventually the pain was to much and she had no one to lean on. She was lost entirely.

There once was a man raised in debauchery and smoke. His body was filled with toxins. His mind was flooded with deceit. He searched and longed for love but he never found it. With eyes wide open, he learned all that was taught to him. He learned to ignore his problems and numb the pain. He learned to not trust anyone. Pain and loneliness was all he knew. He was lost entirely.

There once was a couple who finally understood what it all meant. They giggled and laughed like they never had before. They took interest to the passions of the other. They cared more about their partner than themselves. They spent every day in reverence to  God for the moments they shared. Their past made them strong, their present was happiness, their future was a family. They had finally found their way.

Daughter

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Eyes that stare intently 

Wanting only to represent me

To learn from me and to love me

Arms that only want to hug me

 

She copies my every action

My attention is her satisfaction

She loves how I sing her to sleep

And feed her the best pancakes one can eat

 

At this moment, she is not real

Not yet, for time is standing still

In several years, in a perfect world

I can finally see my little girl.

 

So right now while we are waiting

and while God is creating

I will just think of you and smile

waiting on my perfect child.

Passageway

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I stare down a passage way

and view the dark side of the moon

 

I see the helpless who lost her faith in prayer

The one who inhales more smoke than air

 

I can not look at her, for to much sorrow

I don’t know if she will see tomorrow

 

I stare down a passageway 

Hoping she finds her peace soon.